ICE ICE BABY!

Get ready to be Iced.

As a child there were three things I loved more than anything in the world. Over the next couple of days I will post about each of these and how they will affect my life 20 + years after I first fell in love.

1. Pizza Parties
2. Sports (Soccer)
3. Summertime

First we will start off with a brief overview of all, who doesn’t love a pizza party, second the world cup is less than 30 days away, talk about excited thinking about the USA beating England on June 12th just made something in my pants fly up at 90 mph and smack the desk I am at, I am a little light headed now. Finally, summertime, are you kidding me light out till 8pm, baseball games, warm weather it doesn’t get better.

Now for a little more detail. Nothing was better as a child than a sleepover, or end of the season for one main reason always equaled pizza. Tonight the Sloshballers will bring that tradition back, after our dominating performance on the field, we will make a short journey to Lefty’s Pizzeria in Mission Hills for our very own Pizza Party. How have these changed over the years, one simple answer…BOOZE. That’s right now we can have pizza and beer, no wonder my Dad also loved going to Round Table after our little league team finished the season. Pizza and beer that’s as good of a combination as semen and tits. It was the one evening daddy came home drunk and didn't smack mommy...he was too full from pizza. The pizza party was the moment where everyone forgot you struck out 3 out of 4 at bats (the 4th being beemed by the pitcher), no one remembered you missed that wide open shot on goal...twice, everyone was too busy chowing on that fresh slice of pepperoni pizza to think about your 10 missed free throws. It was pure joy in the pizza parlor. Squeezing as many quarters out of pop to play that extra round of Streetfighter 2 cause you realized that if you just slide across the ground with Vega, no one can stop you!
In your 20's you lose this god given freedom because you are too old for your parents to take you and the team and too young to have kids to take. Well The Sloshballers decided enough is enough. No one tells me us we are too old to do anything. The last time that happened...I won the big wheel olympics in my Dukes of Hazard big wheel! Suck it! The time has come and we will grub on that delicious "slice' of heaven.

T-Mos
Vanilla Thunder

The Cougar

Roosh's latest post spits some knowledge on the "Cougar".

"The Western culture has broken the women. A girl wakes up and she’s 30 and has no man and no hope for a man, yet she already passed on several who didn’t give her the tinglies or butterflies in her stomach or whatever the fuck term she uses. Because of course the culture gave them this sense of entitlement as well, to think that with mediocre looks and ten extra pounds they can get a hot stud like they see in the magazines in line at the grocery store. And then they get old and have to compete with younger and prettier girls. They can’t win. They won’t. So what do they do? They throw themselves on young guys who still value older women as ‘experienced’ and ‘mature.’ But those guys age and get a clue, and then you see the woman going on 40, working hard at the gym, desperately trying to fight the sag, bragging that she fucked this college guy. What a miserable existence."

Ever since high school it was always a dream of my friends and I to land the elusive Cougar who would blow our collective minds. I had images of this fit taunt huntress that would demolish me in bed and leave me quivering for more. The first object of my Cougar lust was our math teacher Molly who would wear this red leather skirt. I remember being stoned out of my mind and just wondering what color her underwear was under that skirt. Were they red lace? Granny panties? Or perhaps a slinky black g string with a rose in front?

Now at 33 it's a little disgusting for me to even think about hooking up with a cougar. The though of their leathery loose skin touching me. Their liver spotted hands stroking my cock just makes balls crawl up into my abdomen. The allure of the Cougar just isn't there for me. Why even bother with an older woman when you can be banging some twenty year old?

Seriously who would you rather hit?

This...


Or Miss Cougar America (on the right)

Bar Etiquette

If you're reading this blog then this is the worst economy you have ever lived through. And yet in the greater San Diego area one regularly pays on avg. $4 for a beer. Why do these tyrants not lower their prices when so many other companies are kind enough to (thanks target)?
Because liquor is our brain juice. Science has proven that it makes us smarter and better looking. And by science of course I mean my scientific studies done every Thurs, Fri. and Saturday night...and on sundays during football season...and Tuesdays for Taco Tuesday...and Wednesdays cause its a really long work week...Monday? Fuck you Monday! No one ever liked you.
This is why we have to rally against the system that takes $100 out of my wallet everynight. It is your civic doody (hehe) and now just etiquette to bring a flask everytime you go out. The preferred beverage in the flask is Jamey James (bottle to be left in the car for refills). But there some exceptions. The night when you want to take a lady out to a nice dinner and the bottle of wine you can buy at bevmo for $14 is now $50/bottle. You could bring that bottle of wine in with you but the restaurant owner, a.k.a Hitler, charges you a "corking" fee. Sounds like nazi propoganda to me. "Oh thank you flask full of wine, you just got my date and me drunk and back to my bedroom."*
The true joy is to watch that soda you ordered go from dark...uh...soda-ish color, to a lightish brown Jameson color with every refill from your flask. One soda at the bar = $1 (or often free if you say you're the sober driver) vs a whiskey and coke which can run you $6-$12 depending on the bar and that is without free refills!
I think you know what to do from here. Be safe and stay thirsty my friends.


Vanilla Thunder

*flask does not actually drive you home...yet

Bat Signal

The Bat-Signal is used by the Gotham City Police Department as a method of contacting and summoning Batman to their assistance in the event of a serious crisis and as a weapon of psychological intimidation to the numerous villains of Gotham City.

In our case the bat signal is a method of contacting and summoning each other to let one know the night is going to be legend-ary, that this is not a night to be missed. It can also be used as the citizens of Gotham intended as an intimidation factor to those around us.

There are instances when Bat Signals have gone out, and were uncalled for, so might as well set up a little guidelines:
1. Must be agreed upon by 2 out of 3 members of the blog, unless hot girls are present in which case only one member is required and photographic evidence.
2. Must not be sent out as a distress signal: (See example below)
Reason 1: "This party sucks and there is only fat chicks, I know I will send the Bat Signal out that will get my bros here"
Result: Bros should not respond, or if you do go to party expecting a raging time and hot chicks, and are punched in the gut by girls who look like the joker and two face, you deserve the right to slap BS sender in the face.
3. Must not be sent from within a fat chicks house. If there are hot girls present, step outside (we will know if you didn't)
4. Must have a reason...this is usually drinking but if I show up and find you sitting on the couch with no plan whatsoever, you will be publicly flogged.
5. If a bat signal is sent, Jamey James must be present upon arrival of responders (no Johnny Walker does NOT count, I don't care what color the label is).

Remember the bat signal is a beckoning call for awesomeness, you don't want to miss something legendary, then you better swoop in like the Dark Knight for an evening of Rock and Roll.

T-Mos
Vanilla Thunder

Vanilla Thunder

Top 5 things on a Monday Morning!

1. Coffee, thanks for bringing me out of the haze from the weekend, and right back to the hell I call work. You were far better yesterday with Bailey's in you.

2. Suit Night - you are a mere 4 days away and I can not wait. If you missed suit night 1 then you are batting 0%. For those who were there you are part of an elite group 100%, that belongs in the playbook next to Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.

3. Jamey James - You are a most delicious beverage, but you scare me at times. If 12 year is that much better than regular, is 18 going to be that much better than 12? is your rarest vintage reserve going to turn my world upside down? I don't think my bank account can handle a bottling like that.

4. El Vez - The Casbah will be rocking Saturday night with the Mexican Elvis, and I have to admit a little fired up to be there.

5. The suit night tree - first of all few know your true beauty, and the love the we have for you, you will be the tree that keeps on giving, and the story behind you is possibly the greatest every told.

These are in no particular order of awesomeness, just mere highlights of the week, that will be going down like your sister.

T-Mos

The Ultimate Question

Every now and then you must ask yourself the ultimate question. One that weighs heavy on the mind at all times and tears nations apart. It sends people on conquests to find the answer and leads them to many many painful, wasted hours, days, years...of their life. That question is.........

"What is the worst sequel ever?"

Fortunately for you we have done the work neccessary to narrow it down to just 2 pièce de résistance movies and their mind bottlingly bad sequels.



Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time vs. Weekend at Bernie's 2

Beastmaster 2-Mark Singer(oh fuck yeah!) returns as Dar, the warrior who can talk to the beasts(I know, badass right?)). Dar is forced to travel to earth to stop his evil brother from stealing an atomic bomb, and turning their native land from a desert into... well... a desert. Dar is transported to present day (1991, which of course still resemble the 80's) from the original that took place just in his Conan-esque medieval times, which of course makes a ton of sense(damnit where is my sarcasm font!). How the writers thought they could make this jump of the shark is beyond comprehension. Also did anyone notice the eerie similarity between this and another near Oscar winner "Masters of the Universe"? Because one movie with this tour de force plot is definitely not enough. This pile of turd truly belongs in the category.

Weekend At Bernie's 2-Oh what can I say about the movie that focuses on 2 party animals carrying around a dead guy for shenanigans? FUCKIN AMAZING is what!!! But to follow it up with this... In the sequel, Larry and Richard plot to use Bernie to find the embezzled $2 million(from the 1st film) he had buried at the Virgin Islands. Before stuffing the body into a suitcase and heading for fortune, however, Bernie is partially revived in a botched voodoo(yes I said VOODOO!) ceremony and made to walk toward the hidden treasure whenever he hears music(WTF?!). At one point in the movie they are transformed into goats by voodoo, someone gets poisoned and only a virgin can save him... This film bottles me in a way that I hope the bottle is non see through and corked so I can no longer hear. How the hell did they come up with a movie that asks for the return of the dead body to succeed? Doesn't the dead body stink? Oh and did I mention VOODOOOOO!!!!

YOU BE THE JUDGE...


Vanilla Thunder

Let the games begin!

Vanilla Thunder, Brown Bear and T-Mos are about to drop some knowledge on you son. This is the beginning of your guide on how to live. Once you are ready to live to the fullest, read the next post on what you are currently doing wrong...which at this point is everything besides reading this blog.