Every now and then you must ask yourself the ultimate question. One that weighs heavy on the mind at all times and tears nations apart. It sends people on conquests to find the answer and leads them to many many painful, wasted hours, days, years...of their life. That question is.........
"What is the worst sequel ever?"
Fortunately for you we have done the work neccessary to narrow it down to just 2 pièce de résistance movies and their mind bottlingly bad sequels.
Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time vs. Weekend at Bernie's 2
Beastmaster 2-Mark Singer(oh fuck yeah!) returns as Dar, the warrior who can talk to the beasts(I know, badass right?)). Dar is forced to travel to earth to stop his evil brother from stealing an atomic bomb, and turning their native land from a desert into... well... a desert. Dar is transported to present day (1991, which of course still resemble the 80's) from the original that took place just in his Conan-esque medieval times, which of course makes a ton of sense(damnit where is my sarcasm font!). How the writers thought they could make this jump of the shark is beyond comprehension. Also did anyone notice the eerie similarity between this and another near Oscar winner "Masters of the Universe"? Because one movie with this tour de force plot is definitely not enough. This pile of turd truly belongs in the category.
Weekend At Bernie's 2-Oh what can I say about the movie that focuses on 2 party animals carrying around a dead guy for shenanigans? FUCKIN AMAZING is what!!! But to follow it up with this... In the sequel, Larry and Richard plot to use Bernie to find the embezzled $2 million(from the 1st film) he had buried at the Virgin Islands. Before stuffing the body into a suitcase and heading for fortune, however, Bernie is partially revived in a botched voodoo(yes I said VOODOO!) ceremony and made to walk toward the hidden treasure whenever he hears music(WTF?!). At one point in the movie they are transformed into goats by voodoo, someone gets poisoned and only a virgin can save him... This film bottles me in a way that I hope the bottle is non see through and corked so I can no longer hear. How the hell did they come up with a movie that asks for the return of the dead body to succeed? Doesn't the dead body stink? Oh and did I mention VOODOOOOO!!!!
YOU BE THE JUDGE...
Vanilla Thunder
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I thought about the two films and considering the fact that I have not seen either of the squeals I must say why should I waste time watching the two movies and spend hours of my life that I can never get back.
ReplyDeleteBetter question for you is and I believe a poll should be started... What is the greatest 80's movie of all time. Is the greatest movie one where a masked man neglects to mention he was not killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts and does not fear ROUS's, or a band where if they reach their limit they have the ability to turn it up to eleven. Maybe its about a kid who takes the day off and runs rampant around Chicago, or an individual who is only alive when he is doing Mach 5 with his hair on fire. You tell me.
All I ask is that you don't vote for a kid who plays Peter Gabriel on a boom box above his head or a kid who is named after a duck's dork.
I can list my top 10 80's movies but they may not be your top ten 80's movies. Let the debate begin.
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ReplyDeleteMy top 10 list off the top of my head goes as this in no particular order.
ReplyDeleteTop Gun
The Goonies
The Princess Bride
Caddyshack
Spaceballs
Ferris Beuller's Day Off
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Back To The Future
Real Genius
Stripes
Better Off Dead
Okay so that's 11 but who can resist a kid begging for his 2 dollars.
you're fired
ReplyDelete